Saturday, December 18, 2010

o hai



My early Christmas bitch to you.

 This is my all time most favourite Chrimble movie ever. I hold it dear. I can recite almost the entire film offhand. I hope one day you can too. Just watch it. It holds up. It is gigantic. Is is the lord. It is the state of Islam. It is your grandmas only pair of slacks. It is creamy beans on a stir fry. It is legend. Behold:


Friday, December 17, 2010

Occasional Anti-Joke


So a man walks into a paint store and asks for red paint.

The man behind the counter says, "Sorry sir, we're all out of red paint, all we have is blue."

So the customer replies,

"That's fine, I've got my bike outside."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

merry chrimbus

i havent even watched this yet, but i bet its funny

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Aaron Soarkin rulz

So sarah palin recently shot a caribou on her reality show, carved it up and ate it because there wasnt a grocery store for miles. Some people obvs were like wtf, one of them being Aaron Soarkin, and heres what he had to say (its awesome):



"Unless you've never worn leather shoes, sat upon a leather chair or eaten meat, save your condemnation."

You're right, Sarah, we'll all just go fuck ourselves now.

The snotty quote was posted by Sarah Palin on (like all the great frontier women who've come before her) her Facebook page to respond to the criticism she knew and hoped would be coming after she hunted, killed and carved up a Caribou during a segment of her truly awful reality show, Sarah Palin's Alaska, broadcast on The-Now-Hilariously-Titled Learning Channel.

I eat meat, chicken and fish, have shoes and furniture made of leather, and PETA is not ever going to put me on the cover of their brochure and for these reasons Palin thinks it's hypocritical of me to find what she did heart-stoppingly disgusting. I don't think it is, and here's why.

Like 95% of the people I know, I don't have a visceral (look it up) problem eating meat or wearing a belt. But like absolutely everybody I know, I don't relish the idea of torturing animals. I don't enjoy the fact that they're dead and I certainly don't want to volunteer to be the one to kill them and if I were picked to be the one to kill them in some kind of Lottery-from-Hell, I wouldn't do a little dance of joy while I was slicing the animal apart.

I'm able to make a distinction between you and me without feeling the least bit hypocritical. I don't watch snuff films and you make them. You weren't killing that animal for food or shelter or even fashion, you were killing it for fun. You enjoy killing animals. I can make the distinction between the two of us but I've tried and tried and for the life of me, I can't make a distinction between what you get paid to do and what Michael Vick went to prison for doing. I'm able to make the distinction with no pangs of hypocrisy even though I get happy every time one of you faux-macho shitheads accidentally shoots another one of you in the face.

So I don't think I will save my condemnation, you phony pioneer girl. (I'm in film and television, Cruella, and there was an insert close-up of your manicure while you were roughing it in God's country. I know exactly how many feet off camera your hair and make-up trailer was.)

And you didn't just do it for fun and you didn't just do it for money. That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain. You knew there'd be a protest from PETA and you knew that would be an opportunity to hate on some people, you witless bully. What a uniter you'd be — bringing the right together with the far right.

(Let me be the first to say that I abused cocaine and was arrested for it in April 2001. I want to be the first to say it so that when Palin's Army of Arrogant Assholes, bereft of any reasonable rebuttal, write it all over the internet tomorrow they will at best be the second.)

I eat meat, there are leather chairs in my office, Sarah Palin is deranged and The Learning Channel should be ashamed of itself.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Fucked up video of the year



This is why there will always be assholes in the world. Assholes beget clean souls but then raise them in a way where they think this is normal. Sure, if you grow up conscious of your choices, and you choose this as your faith and way, then cool. But when you are given no choice, especially at such a young age (this kid is like what, 1 or two?), then it's not fair. not fair.

but it's kinda cute too.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

A Well Balanced Breakfast

"Breakfast is the only meal of the day that I tend to view with the same kind of traditionalized reverence that most people associate with Lunch and Dinner. I like to eat breakfast alone, and almost never before noon; anybody with a terminally jangled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor every twenty-four hours, and mine is breakfast. In Hong Kong, Dallas or at home — and regardless of whether or not I have been to bed — breakfast is a personal ritual that can only be properly observed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always be massive: four Bloody Marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crepes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon, or corned beef hash with diced chiles, a Spanish omelette or eggs Benedict, a quart of milk, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something like a slice of Key lime pie, two margaritas, and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert... Right, and there should also be two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a notebook for planning the next twenty-four hours and at least one source of good music… All of which should be dealt with outside, in the warmth of a hot sun, and preferably stone naked."

- Hunter S. Thompson

Monday, November 15, 2010

WHOA. I shouldn't a said that

So i learnt about Taras Bulba (real name Barovets) today,

he was a ukrainian dude who organized insurgent armies against the Germans in WWII. Now you know.

Also because I have been ukrainianized 24/7 with this 12 page essay I have to write check out some info about this crazy russian politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky, hes run for president a couple times but his party has like 8% popularity......:

direct quote to time magainze in 1994: "Ukraine and Belarus will be the first to rejoin Russia. Tajikistan, Armenia and Abkhazia are begging to be taken back as Russian provinces. As for the Baltics, they are welcome to their independence- if they have sufficient resources to sustain it after we cut short all energy supplies."

Hates the jews obvi, thinks they're responsible for russian prostitutes, Loves Hitler and is bffs with the guy who denies the gas chambers during WWii... and obvi, his dad was jewish.

thinks the chinese should be deported from the russian far east.

when he visited the US, he said on tv be careful your country should preserve the white race, its turning over to blacks and hispanics.

wants to have alaska back from the US because it would be a good place to put all the ukrainians....

thinks nuclear waste should be dumped in the Balkans.

Thinks Romania is an artificial state created by Italian Gypsies.

When Condi Rice critisized his policies he said "Condoleeza Rice needs a a company of soldiers and be taken down to the barracks, where she will be satisfied..."

Loves nukes, has threaten nuking chechyna, japan, and wanted to drop nukes in the atlantic to flood Great Britain.

To eradicate bird flu, he wanted to arm all of the russian population and have them and the army shoot down migratory birds.

say whaT?!





Thursday, November 11, 2010

Tinski Takes A Tumble


Tinski took a tumble at the boys house this weekend and, long story short, his phone was 'left' outside over night. It is now fucked... so, if you want to, or are forced to reach him, dial 668-9891.

(If something claiming to be Maria picks up, say you are from the Airforce and hang up.)

NNNNNYYYYYYKKKKK

come over and watch movies tonight TITS

Well, this is fucking crazy

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010

RIDIN DIRTY

rising star

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC3yaCaBcdA

the embeding was disabled.

i suggest you watch this if you want to meet the next rising star of the world.

seriously.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

i'm losing my mind...

...and you're reaping the benefits

Monday, October 25, 2010

speak now or forever hold your peace

”I just gotta be careful of gold diggers out there. That’s the thing, I got money now, so I got gold diggers comin’ out the woodwork. I went out to dinner with one last week. She ordered lobster and I was like, ‘You know that lobster tail is three fingers up the butthole, minimum?’”

-TRACY MORGAN at a recent New York Magazine Dinner.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

PARKOUR!

Doggy style.


This is dedicated to pooface-farthead, annyong, aiden, and pooface-farthead's friend max.

Oh, and he's Ukrainian too.

You see what happens when you find a stranger in the alps?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

GET BEHIND THIS

THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH! a new political party in NY state, and even got onto the debate panel broadcast all over the states. check out his WEBSITE complete with kickass theme song (which need be sampled) this guy fought in vietnam! they kinda patronize him in the video but nonetheless everybody knows he fuckin rules

Saturday, October 16, 2010

TOMMY FO FO

After watching his film i thought i'd post the roster of the FEMALE MODELS/SUPER PEOPLE who were modeling his RELAUNCH of his womenswear collection.

GET INTO THIS MAN.

in case you cant tell who some of these people are to name a few: BEYONCE, JULIANNE MOORE, AMBER VALLETA, AND THE BEST SELECTION OF MODELS IN THE INDUSTRY.


Friday, October 15, 2010

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Man of Dab interviews potential Man of Dab

All these transsexual images are fine and dandy, but you forgot about THIS:

har har har

hello.

one of the many reasons he is honored as man of dab




Monday, October 11, 2010

I've never been so proud


It gets a bit crazy/silly/beautiful at about 3:00.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Work Shit Diaries vol.1

Every day the razor edge of the stall door lock attempts to slice open my wrists, leaving me bleeding helplessly all over the shitter. Today, my friends, i bested the lock. Today, i am a champion.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

asyan videos

we have enough asian sweet pals to do this.
whites are allowed too.
no french.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Friday, September 24, 2010

We are all stars


Apparently these shots are from an upcoming film titled Bombay that El Guincho has soundtracked.
Although i'm confused as to why so many women aren't wearing shirts but hey who am i to say.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Capybara Thursday Special


Who wants to help me start a petting zoo in the back yard?

Monday, September 20, 2010

WHEN ARE WE SEEING THIS

WHEN

ARE

WE

SEEING

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

drucks

Ratatat - Drugs Directed by Carl Burgess.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

news flash

I feel like Big Boi is overlooked in the magicness of Outkast, so i feel liek I have to advocate for him and how GREAT his new album is. Even non-rap enthusiasts can jam along. (there are a couple like r&B soul rap jams that you can skip) but overall a definite good jam. Big Boi has great flow, that deep voice, and his pronunciation is Spot on. check some vids of some of the new songs pretty good if you ask me.





k this isnt a video but i really like this song:

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Think about yr life

This is barely a post, but i think everyone should read THIS ARTICLE because it so hearteningly sums up everything we're about. Some dude at the AV Club asks "Does what you like define who you are?".

Dude, you have no Qur'an

Needless to say, shit going down in the states about that mosque close to the twin towers monument is bonkers. You'd think maybe people would be a little less fucked up and racist after Obama became president. In days like these, we need a hero. One rat tail heard the call, interrupted his bong rip, and saved the day.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

THUMBS UP BITCHES!!!

Okay, so david choe here a talented man has just came out with his third season of "thumbs up". a vbs.tv show that is extra crazy cool. check it out and check out his art!

shiver me titters

Happy Tuesday Everyone

Friday, September 10, 2010

My New Job!

My job so far is pretty good. There are some weird people that work with me though. First there is this really hot chick. Supermodel wannabe type and dumb as shit, ha! Constantly fixing her hair and putting on makeup. She never thinks about others (very self centered!) I think the only reason she's kept around is that she can suck a mean dick...

Then there's this other chick who is the exact opposite. She's gotta be one of the smartest people I've met in a long time. Her career opportunities are endless, yet here she is, with us. Only thing is I don't think she showers, or shaves for that matter. I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian...(not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Finally there's one guy who gets baked before he comes to work, during break, and after work. He's definitely permafried. He's only 22 but dresses like he's from the 60's. To make it worse he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at the HUGE FUCKING DOG! This thing walks around 1/2 stoned from the 2nd hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops for snacks.

Anyways, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

HEYO

yes i read perez hilton, but this is so funny

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

An Emmy Recap for all of you.

AARON PAUL



ERIC STONESTREET



THE AFTER PARTY:



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Remember that zombie thing i keep talkin about?

Yeah yeah you're a fuckin nerd, we get it. Go jack off to the new issue of the Power Pack, faggot.


watch this trailer:

Saturday, August 21, 2010

be kind to the earth.

oh and I have a recorded cover of this. ask me for a private listen.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sweet Pals Chicago Branch

I thought it was about time we did a little Chicago post. Here are some of the best parts of what i saw at the festival thing we went to. They were real good. Let's take a look together:


whoa nelly those kids are talented





Also, i hereby induct our Chicagoan folk into the sweet pals, therein instating the first out-of-country division of the Sweet Pals, the Chicago Branch. Welcome Noe, Dina, Frank, Berto, Seth, Adam, Sarah, Kain, and everyone i forgot about because they don't matter as much and i hope they see this and get real sad about it. Well that was harsh. That was just a joke. If i did miss someone important, i'm sorry. I'm high.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

HEYO Everyone

So i've probably talked to everyone about this already cuz i think it's super neat, but actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt:



pictured here as child, has a produciton company called hitRECord.org. It's super cool cuz it's an online community/pool of talented folks who upload their ORIGINAL (obvs) what have-yous (ie: Film, Writing, Music.... etc) and give access to the hitrecord community to use their stuff and remix it as their own. Sometimes JGL sends out open calls for submissions and remixes to have possible chance of film festival submission and such and possible $$ earning!

Heres an example of possibilities if say Tinki had an account:

1- he uploads the movie store prank call
2-someone could download it (he'd be notified)
3- they remix it in with a piece of their own work
4-tinki can download anybodys stuff and use it to mix with his work

2(b)- say JGL says "hey guys! i wanna send a short film to Sundance about corn let's see what you got!"
3(b)- tinki remixes his voicemail to be laidover top of a short film (and miraculously it's picked) tinki makes it all the way to sundance!

Anywho that's just a brief. Check out the site it's really cool and something of the sweet pals shoudl be on it combined we have a lot of creative talent. I linked it in the title.

Oh and here's a short that they just submit to SXSW! It's super cute and remixed by a bunch of peeps!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Bob Hendrix

HOLY PFERDEFLEISH, FLEDERMAUSMANN! SPACE NAZIS!

So apparently the Finns are making a dubyah-dubyah-two alternate history movie about space Nazis.

Yup! Iron Sky, which is set for release in 2011, has been funded almost entirely through online donations, and so far the production company has managed to collect more than $1.2 million dollars US from fans. The film, which is nearly completely computer generated except for the live action actors, will be available to subscribers world wide via the internet upon release. It's being directed and produced by Timo Vuorensola and Samuli Torssonen, the creative duo who brought you STAR WRECK: In the Pirkinning (Fucking Finns.).

Anyway, the premise is that in 1945 German scientists working at a secret research base in Antarctica develop advanced anti-gravity technology and launch rockets to the moon. At their secret "Nazi Moon Base" they build a fleet of spaceships, and in the year 2018 they return to Earth seeking hot schnitzel and cold vengeance! Take a look for yourself, the trailer looks pretty nuckin' futs.

As with any internet b-film, we can assume there will probably be a reasonable amount of sillyness involved with this movie. From the looks of the trailer however, the CGI looks pretty solid, and the music choice was enough to give me goosebumps. Speaking of music, Slovenian industrial/neo-classical band Laibach have been slated to do their soundtrack. These guys are seriously fucking weird, and are probably an entire article to themselves.


Laibach

All sillyness aside, this looks like it could turn out to be a really cool movie. From the looks of the trailer, the filmmakers clearly aren't trying to make it into something it's not. Nothing's worse/more hilarious than a b-movie that tries to look like they had a huge budget. (Ex. Uganda's First Action Movie: Who Killed Captain Alex). Providing the writing and acting isn't too bad, this movie could end up garnering some serious recognition. Either that, or it'll go down as just another stupid fucking movie.

If you want to donate to the project or just get some more info, check out the official website.

Listen to this mufuggah too. Villains remix of Ares by Bloc Party.



Happy Thursday, pals!